There I go again! The cupboard opens, the hand reaches, a tearing sound leads to the feel of crispness soon to be tasted then savored then repeated as often as necessary, hopefully before the end of the bag and its entirety – about 3.5 servings more than a single eater should have.
What causes me to go there? I’ve been “in the bag” before. I know what I really want isn’t in there. It won’t be there on the first chip or the last chip I have till next time. It won’t fill me because hunger isn’t the reason I go there. At least not that kind of hunger. Emotional hunger maybe.
Maybe frustration. I eat a lot from frustration. Where what should be isn’t and the road for getting there is somehow mired in the rut between the couch or typing chair and the cupboard. A quick “feel good” that just assuages the level of the frustration I’m feeling for the momentum I’m not accomplishing whether because of temporary circumstance or unwillingness to travel the road being offered or the belief that I’m unable to move on.
The food buzz heightens my physical connection to the moment till I can do something better or different or more supersonically significant to move toward whatever it is that my soul self longs for – a hug, a love, a success, a healing, a forgiveness of myself and others for what could not be realized and accomplished when I thought it should be. When it didn’t happen how and in the way I thought it should happen or failed to recognize that it actually was happening. When I felt a need and a longing more powerful than words could express and therefore said nothing to anyone – not even for whom the words might have made a difference but now I’ll never know.
Choices were made, the moment has passed – and the chips are not just down, but gone.
Maybe next time – with or without a side of chips.