Wanna know what I hope for? I hope someday I quit hoping past the point of all reasonable expectation. Why?
Because sometimes you gotta give up hope and move on. But I don’t. I keep hopin’. Like now.
I’m hopin’ I get to finish the movie I’m in. I was supposed to be in it for about five weeks. That was about seven weeks ago. I’m still hoping the director (first timer) hurries up and shoots my scenes – which are now on hold till our camera guy gets back from a three-week job in L.A. So it’s looking like I have to keep hope alive till the end of October now! Damn, that’s a 16-week shoot! Good thing the cast and crew are all hoping as much as I am to get done, or we might not hang in to finish the film. I mean, 16 weeks! That’s a REAL lot of hoping!
In the meanwhile, my semester at school and the grant monies I was to get – kaput! I’m hopin’ I get compensated sooner than later for having to stay past the start of school, but I hope more that I get to do my scenes and go home to California. October, damn!
Then I hope I can get something to take the place of my classes – like a job – which was why I originally went back to school – ‘cause , as a mature 50+, I gave up hope of finding work. It seemed healthier than just hoping all the time, you know?
Don’t get me wrong. Hope is a great thing. You can make it out of nothing when there is no hope outside yourself to hang onto. But sometimes hope can nearly drown you if you don’t know when to let go and face reality – that hope is all you’ve got and the rest of the world is moving on.
Yeah, hope is about staring down adversity in the face of the impossible. But if you use it all the time instead of finding something besides hope to hold onto, it can become an addiction. A bad addiction!
So, for now I’m just hanging in. Hopin’ to ride out this period of hope obsession and see myself through this current “wave” of hope.
Yeah, I’m Kristi Koons – hope junky. Let’s face it. Long as I have hope, I’ll never quit and never stand down. ‘Cuz I’m still hopin’ – you know?
P.S. Anybody else hoping Obama wins?