I’m at an impasse with myself. I hate it. No one to blame it on. No one else to move out of my way. Just me. Hate it.
When your life is at an impasse and your momentum has stalled, it’s time to make a choice on what to do or which way to go next.
I know it’s up to me to make that choice now, but my inner guru has withdrawn till some kind of inspiration takes place, and my inner onery is being totally aloof, unmotivated and no help at all. I’m not even sure iHeart can jumpstart me out of this moment. So what’s next, Universe?
Nothing? Not even crickets? Great! Back to me.
So . . . here’s where I’m at. My “same-o” laundry list of projects is losing its buzz. I still want to do them all but I’m in Texas. It’s not the same mojo as living in L.A. or even California. Like you still have a phone but the calls you get don’t feel the same and, even though you still get the calls and the message, something in the connection feels different. The feeling of connection in the connection is gone.
Guess I’m trying to get the connection back while still staying in Texas ‘cuz that’s how things are for now. I made a choice to leave California in support of my family improving their situation. In deference to the higher good I went. Before anyone gets all “melty” over this, let me just say that this is a lifelong pattern that is borderline self-destructive. It’s an addiction of sorts. Assuaging and fulfilling others’ needs at the expense of my own. I need to quit it. I’m not in the lower age ranges anymore. The meter could quit at any time and I still have my list to accomplish.
Even while I am typing this, my adult granddaughter who briefly moved back to California is texting me about how sad she is because of her current situation with guys. I remind her of my drama coach from once upon a time and how he got so frustrated with me when I funked out over guys. “Feeling sad is a choice,” he’d say. I thought he’d lost his mind! How could you not be sad if someone had intentionally hurt you or broken up with you?
Believe it or not, it is a choice. So is doing nothing and sitting in the funk of your own creation or loss of motivation. You can choose to be at the mercy of people and situations that weigh on you emotionally or you can give yourself the power and permission to choose yourself and reject that which makes you sad and malleable to others’ whims. You need to always believe in your power to choose.
It is now several hours later, and I’m told my granddaughter has decided to return from her extended stay in California and rejoin us in Texas. Hope this works out for her because tagging back to California definitely did not. Probably because it was a “wrong guy” choice to be there. At least she made a “wrong guy” choice. I haven’t been on that page for years!
No, it’s just me and an aging ‘to do’ list – NOT a bucket list, I hope – choosing to move ahead, looking for – and believing in – a mojo connection up the road. ‘Cuz I’m choosing to not stay put – at least mentally. I mean, Power to the Purpose, ya know?