Awake but eyes not open.
Launch mode dragging. No ‘hurry, hurry, late already’ brainwaves. No yesterday holdovers of ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ downbeats. Not even a ‘gonna achieve ‘liftoff’ on my goals today’ mantra.
There, in the dark void of my mind’s eye, contemplating awakeness and what would come next upon adding movement, with my eyes still closed, I could see my expectation looking back at me. I’d never noticed it looking so lethargic before as it stood there in the dark, vast-feeling space of my synapse delay – skulking in the punkish, nebulous ‘Dread Zone’ of my mind.
It stood there alone. No evil beings, no loud, ominous noise or looming objects. Just a faltering energy in a formless space that exuded a power to swallow me up and neutralize whatever hope, ambition and yes, Expectation that I planned to bring forth into my day.
Is this where my unconscious mind has been hanging out all these ‘waking up’ moments of my life? “Do whatever you want to, kid. Knock yourself out. Until you intuit the Dread Zone – and leap past it to success – nothing’s gonna happen for you.”
Maybe this is why they say your unconscious has more power than your conscious. All this time I thought it was about me taking action and achieving steps toward my goal. Now it’s apparent that it’s also about making my belief stronger so that the other side of the Dread Zone is more real than whatever is between here and there. So now what?
Breathe, Kristi, breathe. Maybe this is where practice will make perfect and I can train my brain to wake up each day in visualized iconic “being there” mode, ‘there’ being me standing in the reality of my dreams, fully realized and successfully on the other side of the ‘Dread Zone’, now that I know it exists.
C’mon, Expectation! Look alive. Just a few practiced leaps of faith and ‘there’ will be our new ‘here’! I can feel it.