There I was, for the umpteenth time in a lifetime, mulling over my choices of the previous day’s social interactions. Perhaps a pointless good idea but I was supposed to be meditating. Almost pointless till I realized what I was doing.
My 15 minutes of transformational cyber sound were getting chinked over by my brain’s need to debrief from yesterday. Most people were on to today but I was in my room, bugging myself about being behind in getting to my morning meditation because I was dragging on doing my musical workout with the Zumba maracas. Which needed to happen before my shower, etc.
Which brings me to my point – I’m too often waiting on myself to get that I am not automatically last nor is what I want to accomplish. Yet I hold off till the last minute for me and my projects. This is not necessarily selfless of me. It’s also about having a ‘fail safe’ for marginal or sporadic accomplishment.
I’m not going to completely throw myself under the bus here. I mean there’s been the self-discovered OMG! moment of realizing I’ve had ADD all my life. My life’s temporary slowing momentum and increased white noise helped me to recognize it. Before I – and the working world that employed me – thought I was just the amazing multi-tasking temp. Turns out it was a brilliant cover for someone who wouldn’t have been able to do or stay with a job where I was devoted to endless sameness and regimented protocols and results. I’m a good worker. I’m just not brilliant at sameness. Gotta be some “wild card” possibilities in the work day or I just can’t stay.
Anyway, patience has never been my strong suit and now, as I turn 67 today, I’m feeling that tug big time to shake things up again, to rock my momentum back into high gear. I’m just hoping to cooperate with myself and let me. Not letting go, not giving up. Gotta post now even though I’m not done and will probably tag back to tweak the edit later. It’s a time thing, ya know. I could wait but I started this post over a week ago!