Wistful Would-Have-Beens Happen Daily, So . . .

I say ‘Choose Now’. Forget what you didn’t choose yesterday or the year before or in the decade of yore.

Sometimes it’s so hard to get that what we’re choosing or not choosing in this moment is the most important decision we can make for our future.

Memories happen daily as we’re in them creating them for the time when we look back and either wish we had chosen or acted differently, or celebrate that we seized the moment and chose the right path and companions to travel it with,

It’s natural to wish ahead when times are hard and circumstances oppressive, but doing so keeps us from valuing the present and later on it becomes just a bad memory because we put nothing good into it or created any good to come out of it for the future.

Once upon a time, I was on welfare and 8 months pregnant in L.A. The only worthy healthcare I had available was the Planned Parenthood clinic on Beverly Blvd. in Hollywood. I could’ve gone back to the doctor who took welfare patients, but I didn’t like being left in the exam room while he played with his nurses.   I finally emerged and reminded them I needed to be examined and that they could play later. Never went back and never forgot his name.

So I went back to the clinic where I had been given prenatal vitamins with folic acid (a must for healthy pregnancies), a full exam (for pregnancy verification purposes) and a hug from a staff member who assured me everything would be okay – in spite of the news crew out front.  They were there to document what value Planned Parenthood gave to the community. I was there to satisfy Welfare’s criteria for receiving food stamps and benefits. Too bad there wasn’t the same coverage for the doctor who pretended to give me treatment.

That was several decades ago now and I and my healthy daughter moved on from that time. My original point was that, at the bottommost part of my life, with being marginalized beyond anything I had experienced before, I looked for ways to bring value to the moment. With barely enough resources to get by, I took my photographs from better times and made greeting cards out of them and sold them on Hollywood Blvd. I also made yarn dolls to donate to the children’s ward at Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital for Christmas.

Even though I wasn’t certain of the times ahead, I put value in the moment I was in. Did I mention that, due to recently having left a Christian cult, I also believed I might be on God’s ‘hit list’? This was due to the Man of God’s parting reminder that Satan was the Robber.

No pressure!

To God and believing in the moment beyond the one we’re in, but not wasting or sacrificing any moment looking forward or behind.



About kristisez

I am a writer/photographer with multiple projects and leanings. Most of my topics and content are generated from my own circumstances - either then or now. I love beauty, color and stories with heart, depth and spirit. These are the elements I attempt to include in all my work. Explore for yourself what I'm about when you read my blog.
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